POOR JAVINE
We're actually at a bit of a loss for words. We were all set to make an entry that completely ripped off Popjustice's "Poor Javine" catchphrase, and make thinly-veiled threats to the British public that they'd rue the day they sent Jordan off to Eurovision and made us the first country ever to get a negative score. But Javine only went and won the thing, didn't she?
It was actually a very encouraging experience (although we are, to be perfectly honest, still sweating and shaking with tension over the whole thing) to hear the studio audience being fully in favour of Javine, to the point where they booed Jordan - sorry, "Katie" - every time she scored higher (notably, she is more popular in Scotland and on the internet - the last one speaks for itself, really, but we'll be asking flum to explain on behalf of his nation later). We really aren't fans of booing here at Panda Pops, and generally consider it wholly unnecessary, but we're more than willing to commit a double standard where that vacuous attention-seeking talent-wasteland Jordan is concerned.
We did feel quite sorry for Gina G, getting the lowest score in every single round. We may even consider coining the phrase "Poor Gina!", if we can be bothered, and if we think we won't be sued for theft of intellectual copyright. As for Andy Scott-Lee and Tricolore, well, the other one proved in Pop Idol that he can never be relied on to give a consistent performance, and we really don't need the latter when we're having a hard enough job trying to get rid of Il Divo and G4 as it is.
Finally, it was extremely heartwarming to hear Javine, after a rousing reprise of 'Touch My Fire' saying "thank you everyone for voting, it really means so much to me." There wasn't a dry eye in our house, but then we are prone to overexcitement. So, for the first time in years, we're sending a decent singer off to Eurovision with a decent song. We're probably still not going to win, mind, but at least we've given ourselves the best possible chance. Bravo, everyone.
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