Thursday, March 04, 2004


A memo to Kylie Minogue: you might not have noticed this, but 'Red Blooded Woman' is meant to be a sexy song. This song is about a woman who knows that she's damned good in bed and she sees no reason why every right-thinking heterosexual man in the vicinity wouldn't want to do the mattress mambo with her.

So why, Kylie, do you insist on giving stilted live performances of this song where you elicit about as much rampant sexuality as a Pot Noodle? Performances where your voice and body language (ha!) imply that you're thinking more about what time to pick up your dry-cleaning than what time you scheduled that bootie call for are ruining what was once quite a good song. If you can't actually emote any kind of feeling (we know that your cheekbones seized up three years ago, but surely your voice is capable of showing emotion even if your face isn't), then stop trying to be cool by singing live and mime along to the goddamned radio edit instead. At least that version has some degree of sexuality to it. I never thought I'd say this, but if you want tips on what sexy looks like, you might want to look at what Britney's doing.

Pull yourself together, Kyles. 'Slow' was shit and your album's not much better. Any more of this and even the gays will give up on you. Please stop turning into a complete caricature of yourself, for the sake of those of us who loved you once.


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