Monday, June 07, 2004


We've been gone for some time, and so much has happened we don't even know where to begin. Suffice to say, we went, Girls Aloud came back, then so did we. Girls Aloud's new single 'The Show' is quite possibly the best pop single we've heard all year, although we are remaining on the fence as to whether it's better than 'No Good Advice'. We had a little reminisce over the weekend whilst watching our Popstars: The Rivals DVD, feeling a bit sorry for One True Voice and Clea, spouting out further conspiracy theories as to why Javine didn't make the band, being very surprised to hear that Nicola actually has a really good singing voice, and wondering just how long Phixx have left before The Dumper calls.

Having witnessed the new videos from Girls Aloud and Phixx this weekend, we thought maybe we'd resurrect the concept of The Rivals, but in the absence of OTV, we thought we'd pit Girls Aloud against Phixx and see who wins this time (hint: it's Girls Aloud).


Song? Extremely infectious, screaming for your attention. Appears to be almost entirely chorus and no verse, which is no bad thing in our eyes. Has in the opening/closing refrain "should've known, should've cared, should've hung around the kitchen in my underwear acting like a lady, you should've made me" possibly the best Girls Aloud song lyric since "I don't need no special fix to anaesthetise me". The lyrics make next to no sense and we still can't figure out if this song is about telling a bloke you won't have sex with him, or trying to tell a bloke you won't have sex with him unless he wants you to, but in all honesty, we really don't care. We managed to listen to this track repeatedly for about three hours one day last week, and even then we still weren't sick of it.
Video? Girls Aloud run a salon called - wait for it - "Curls Allowed". They have a lot of fun waxing boys' chests and making suggestive Carry On looks at them - Cheryl is particularly good at this. Kimberley is The Boss, which excites us.
Good Things:
- Nicola's character is called Chelsea Tanner, which was brilliant even in the 36 hours before we got the pun.
- Cheryl and Kimberley look hot.
- Girls Aloud dance. With brooms.
- The aforementioned suggestive Carry On looks.
- Nadine covers a boy's face with fruit salad.
- There is sparkly writing across the screen.
Good Thing, Where Have You Gone?
- Like many Girls Aloud videos, it looks really cheap. Unlike some Girls Aloud videos, you don't forget that it looks cheap halfway through.
- Some of the camerawork and editing is appalling.
- Fun as the video is, it doesn't really suit the song.
- It seems quite derivative, though we can't think what of.
Verdict: The video lets the side down a little, but it's still a very entertaining way to spend three and a half minutes.


Song? Well, it's Phixx's cover of Duran Duran's 'Wild Boys', isn't it? We're not sure quite how a cover of a Duran Duran song by Phixx could miss the mark, but for some reason it happened. The boys don't quite manage to capture the anger and raw sexuality of the original, despite their best efforts. As a cover it's passable, but since 'Love Revolution' tanked they needed this to be better. Much better, in fact.
Video? It goes for the usual Phixx effect where none of them are on the screen at the same time, thus creating the illusion of five solo artists rather than one band. It's tamer than their previous videos, apparently because they didn't want to look like they'd just copied the Duran Duran original. We think it might have been better if they had. Phixx cavorting with girls (and boys, probably) on a giant waterwheel? That would have been ace.
Good Things:
- It's Phixx. They are pretty.
- They do that breaking-through-the-picture-of-the-bandmember-before-you thing that All Saints did in the 'I Know Where It's At' video.
- There are some girls in animal skins dancing in a way that reminds us of Ruslana from this year's Eurovision Song Contest.
- We really like Andrew's trousers.
Good Thing, Where Have You Gone?
- They are fully clothed.
- There is no baby oil.
- They are fully clothed.
- The fact that they almost never appear in the same shot really annoys us.
- They are fully clothed.
Verdict: A valiant effort, but it's dwarfed both by the original and by Girls Aloud. And indeed by both of Phixx's previous singles and videos.

Well, there we have it. Sniff. We don't want Phixx to get dumped, because we love them dearly for their endearing desperation and their rampant homoeroticism. V are trying to steal the homoerotic crown, but Phixx do it dirtier (hmm, that would make a really good bumper sticker). This victory is entirely Girls Aloud's though - poor Popstars boys, none of their incarnations could trounce the mighty Aloud.


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