Wednesday, March 24, 2004


Sometimes goodbye - though it hurts in your heart - is the only way for destiny. Some profound words there from S Club, who presumably knew a fair bit about goodbye, having waved cheerio to Paul Cattermole some months before. We've always wanted good things for the various members of S Club after their split - we still live in hope of Tina's much-touted solo R 'n' B material - and we admit to shedding a tear for Rachel's poor sales, and wondering whether Jon was okay after Les Misérables was moved to a less prominent West End theatre. In particular, we've always had a soft spot for the lovely Hannah Spearitt (pictured, left), largely because a friend of ours went to school with her, and we love any opportunity for a good old-fashioned name-drop.

Our delight is therefore incomparable that news reaches us of Hannah making an appearance in two Hollywood movies. We've known about Agent Cody Banks 2 for some time now (posing the question: can Hannah prove an adequate replacement for likewise Panda Pops favourite Hilary Duff?), and now we hear that she will have a role in the latest instalment in the Chucky franchise, Seeds of Chucky (whether or not Hannah will become an evil doll à la Jennifer Tilly we are as yet unsure). Obviously we're overjoyed to see Hannah's movie career taking off, but we have some concerns: largely that both of these movies are sequels, and while this is not in itself a danger, we fear that Hannah may end up teetering on the edge of straight-to-video if she's not careful. With this in mind, we made a call to her publicist to find out if Hannah had any other, non-sequel, film projects in the pipeline. We were thrilled to receive for our efforts a number of press releases about Hannah's forthcoming material, and even more excited when her publicist kindly agreed to let us share the details with you. So, without further ado, here are the next few steps in Hannah's movie career:

Bring It All Gack: In this gritty and true-to-life low-budget Britflick, Hannah plays Elizabeth Farquhar, the girlfriend of drug-smuggling Glaswegian Harry McNally. When Harry runs into trouble with local ganglord Jock McSneer, Elizabeth is forced to prostitute herself in an LA Lakers cheerleader outfit in some of the more salubrious districts of the Scottish city. In a departure from her glamorous roles in Seeing Double and Miami 7, Hannah dresses down for this role in drab clothes and little make-up.

Teach! (For The Stars): In this smash-hit crossover comedy, Hannah plays Sarah-Anne Poppycock, newly appointed Head of Music at a Hollywood prep school for the children of celebrities. At first her eccentric English ways cause clashes with the spoiled students used to a privileged lifestyle, but hilarity and heartwarming moments abound as they learn to work together to defend the school from an evil British property developer.

Don't Stop Movin': In a hilarious British comedy about the perils that occur when moving house, Hannah appears as Fiona Birchtree, who finds that moving house can never be simple when there's a property chain involved. Over the course of 48 hours she finds herself moving to five different houses in five different counties, only to be forced to rethink her plans as she is thwarted yet again by incompetent estate agent Hugo Dipson. Add a pesky monkey into the mix, and you have a recipe for hilarity!

Alive: In this harrowing remake of the classic movie, Hannah stars as Gwendolyn Wilde, captain of the East Anglian championship ladies' netball team. On their way to a World Cup qualifying match in Kuala Lumpur, the East Anglian ladies' team crashes in the Andes, and as rations begin to run out, the players must make the ultimate decision: whether they should turn to cannibalism to stay alive.

Seeing Trouble: Hannah stars as Lydia Babbage, a maverick detective with a complicated personal life. After a seemingly commonplace domestic accident with a hairdrier and an organic face mask, Lydia discovers that she can see crimes before they happen. This seemingly fortuitous gift takes a dark side when Lydia realises she cannot possibly prevent all the crimes she sees, and must make the pressing and uncomfortable decision of which crimes require her help the most. But can she foresee the consequences of her own actions?

Well, I'm buying some shares in Butterkist and reserving myself an extra-comfy double seat in the multiplex, because these sound fantastic. Join us next week for another Movie Special focusing on Nicola from Girls Aloud's attempts to become the next Julia Roberts.*

*Content subject to change.


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