Thursday, July 15, 2004

MALENAC: THE STARS OF TOMORROW




It's not been a good few weeks for the finalists of Popstars: The Rivals. First Chloe decides she's had enough and hotfoots it right out of Clea (leaving them just Lea, presumably?), then Girls Aloud miss out on a number one placing for their "comeback" single 'The Show', then shortly after that we learned that Peter had decided to take on Chloe in Band Leavers: The Rivals and go his separate way from Phixx.

We're not entirely surprised that Peter and Chloe were getting fed up of their day jobs; after all, both had been plugging away with their groups for over a year and with not a lot to show for it. One True Voice gave up a lot quicker than that, and they'd been comparitively successful. What has impressed us is that the remaining members of (C)Lea and Phixx have vowed to carry on as a trio/foursome when quitting may well have seemed like the most favourable option.

We think, however, that the obvious solution to their mutual problem has been overlooked by both parties. Rather than both carrying on one member short and forever looking like there's a conspicuous Chloe/Peter-shaped hole in the group, why not pool their efforts and form a boy-girl supergroup? Ever since Paul decided not to renew his membership of the S Club, there's a gap in the market for a seven piece co-ed band, after all.

The benefits to both parties are obvious, too: no longer would the boys have to hire busty female extras to gyrate suggestively in their videos wearing not very much - ever since the 'Download It' video and that Maxim shoot, Clea don't appear to be afraid of disrobing to sell a few more copies; the girls could use Andrew's influence to get a bigger slice of the pink pound - as we all know, the gays provide a pension for divas when they're old and past it, so this way they get in early.

As for a comeback single, they need something feisty to remind the world they're taking no prisoners. Since both groups aren't exactly overwhelmed with public attention right now, we suggest a cover of Geri Halliwell's 'Look At Me', perhaps as a double A-side with the Spice Girls' 'Never Give Up On The Good Times'.

Now all that's needed is a name. First of all we decided to honour the tradition that gave Clea their name: using the group's initials. We've played around with them, and so far we've come up with Malenac (as above), Nale Cam, Lame Can, Lean Mac, Canal Me and Maclean (potentially encompassing a lucrative sponsorship deal with a popular brand of toothpaste). But then we thought that the name perhaps ought to pay homage to the way in which they were assembled from the pieces of their former existences and glued together inelegantly but rigidly.

So, ladies and gentlemen, say hello to...Airphixx.

1 Comments:

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