Tuesday, January 27, 2004

It's dangerous, but we're loving it nonetheless

We're in a state of giddy homosexualist excitement here at Panda Towers, because we've heard the new singles from Kylie and Britney. Yes, we don't doubt that most of the sentient listening public (and the Dido fans, let's not forget them either) have already heard these tracks, but there is not much money in being a panda at the moment and we've not been able to afford either of the albums, so this is all quite new. Please bear with us.

Anyway, the matter in hand: 'Toxic' by Britney Spears and 'Red Blooded Woman' by Kylie. One is a glittering return to form from someone we thought had utterly lost it, and the other is a further piece of brilliance from someone whose recent work we'd already been impressed with. However, it may surprise you to learn that the former refers to Kylie and the latter to Britney.

We're going to hold our hands up and say that we were utterly underwhelmed by 'Slow'. It's not that we didn't like it, it's more that we just didn't feel for it in any particular direction, and that's worrying considering how much we worship Kylie (being A Gay and everything). It just felt a little too much like someone aching to be cool and at the forefront of modern electronica, and yet came out sounding a bit like a filler track from Madonna's Music album by way of a filler track from Kylie's Fever album, which, without wishing to be unkind, isn't exactly pushing back the boundaries of musical possibility.

But there are so many things right with 'Red Blooded Woman'. For a start, I defy anyone to listen to this record and not want to jump straight into bed with Kylie afterwards. How can you resist lines like "I wanna get down, I'm a red blooded woman, what's the point in hanging round?" This is Kylie at her most confident - knowing she's fabulous and can make men beg. And listening to this record makes you think that maybe, if you try really hard, you could be like that too. Only less Botoxed, obviously. It even managed to sufficiently undo the damage from 'Slow' to make us go and buy her album (hey, we may be poor, but that's what credit cards were invented for).

And now to Britney. Oh, Britney, Britney, Britney. How we love thee, let us count the ways. Despite most people having the knives out for 'Me Against The Music', I found it to be insanely catchy and even forgave Britters for the silly video and pointless faux lesbianism that even tATu are bored of by now. And then she went and got married in Vegas (bonkers! hilarious!) and now she's releasing 'Toxic', the best Bond theme that never was (Sorry Emma, but 'Free Me' doesn't stand a chance any more). It has crazy strings, a killer chorus and a seriously attitude-laden video. This might just be the song to restore the Great British Public's faith in La Spears. It may not be quite good enough to top '...Baby One More Time' as her bestest single ever, but it might just topple 'Overprotected' as her second bestest. Woo!

And if we had to choose between these two? Britney, clearly. She might even marry us if we got her pissed enough.


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