Wednesday, September 17, 2003

Panda Pops presents: Celebrity Driving School (with Celebrity Driving Instructor: Sam Brown)

Imagine our surprise when we came to book some driving lessons the other day. None other than 80s popstrel Sam Brown is a qualified driving instructor these days! And given the abject failure of her comedy career in those lo-fi dens of comedy CFB Goes Pop and BestWorst, I thought I'd give her the benefit of the doubt and give her a little injection of cash. Here's how it went.

Hi Sam Brown!
Hi Steve! Are you ready to go?
Sure am. Wow, nice car.
How's the comedy career these days? I thought CFB cut you off rather soon, she's a bit mardy that one.
Yeah, what's a girl to do?
Isn't that Alyson Guard's catchphrase?
She stole it from me.
Um, right. So were you pleased that Rebecca did your song on Pop Idol this week?
No, she bloody ruined it.
But don't you think the expos...
I DON'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT. Can we start the lesson?
Sorry. Right, I'm ready.
Right. I'm going to teach you how to stop.
But we're not moving.
That doesn't matter. Learning to stop is more important.
But I can't stop. I'm inert. It's physically impossible.
You'd better stop.
Uh oh.
Wooooooaooh, you'd better stop!
You're fired, Sam Brown. You're a rubbish driving instructor.
Suit yourself. I'm only doing this gig till my comedy career gets back on its feet.
Yeah, good luck with that.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Shirley who?
Shirley you heard me ringing the doorbell?
Goodbye, Sam Brown.

And that was the last I ever heard of 80s popstrel/aspiring comedienne Sam Brown. Lovely girl.


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