Monday, September 01, 2003

Celebrity Speech Correction Club! The fundraising starts here!

We're a benevolent lot here at Panda Pops, and we've decided to demonstrate just how philanthropic we are by starting a charity.

The Panda's Association for Nasty Tongue Syndrome (or PANTS for short) is concerned about the poor, lazy speaking habits being practised in the pop world at present, particularly by Mr Gareth Gates. We aim to raise money to have his speech problem corrected - no, not his stammer, just his Cletus the Slack-Jawed Yokel diction. We hope to raise enough money to teach him the correct pronounciation of the words "baby", "shining" and "smiling". If we raise enough, we may even teach him a few more.

Hopefully we will raise enough money to support some other causes close to our hearts. We'd quite like to give Sean Paul a few elocution lessons too, just to establish whether in Like Glue he is indeed informing us that he is a "nubbly number two".

Other, non-elocution, causes include:
- paying for Lumidee and Dido to learn how to sing in key
- paying for anti-smugness therapy for Kelly Jones
- buying some clothes for Blu Cantrell, who doesn't seem to realise that you can actually cover yourself up in non-pornographic vocations

If you are interested in raising money for these highly worthwhile causes, please contact us here at Panda Pops and we'll send you a fundraising pack.*

*May not be honoured.


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